Release

As I spend most of my days sitting at a desk to stare at a computer screen - when I'm not on the phone asking questions whose meaning often eludes me - I got into the habit of observing more intently around me. I observe social dynamics and attempt to decipher the all-elusive aspects of office politics.

Needless to say, I remain mostly none the wiser.

I finished reading a book I actually started reading over a year ago. I kept reading a page here and there, but as I happened to travel more frequently in the past few days I finally managed to finish it in a couple of sittings by carrying it along with me.

It's a story that depicts the follies of a delusional man, and it left sort of a bitter taste in the back of my throat because during my times of more intense social isolation I have found myself flirting with these types of delusional symptoms.

Finishing that book felt like a slap in the face, in a way. It hurt because it's just not easy at all to stare at some of your darkest sides.

It stirred old memories I'd rather put to rest... and as I faced the darkness within and felt its burning imprint inside my brain, I suddenly pictured myself in the middle of a large, green meadow. I was standing in the middle of that vast space and releasing a balloon into the air... and as I watched the balloon float away into the seemingly infinite blue sky, it was as though I was watching the release from madness itself. And I thought, deep down within myself, that the image of a balloon being released from one's grip ought to be exactly what it feels like when one is finally letting go.

The feeling is almost impossible to describe... It has to be experienced.