How can every single person be wrong about me?
I don’t know. It is as I said before: it’s not like I can detach part of me from myself to take a look at the way I am with people. On the other hand, there is no denying that the world is getting more rotten by the minute. Maybe what I’m witnessing in general is the gradual degeneration of people in their very nature and it makes me question whether in 50 years time there will still be people with a certain degree of deep knowledge - true knowledge that comes from within...
I look at my generation, and the younger ones, and I see emptiness. I see stupidity heralded as the new intelligence. Whatever we learn, it is halved and more irrelevant than ever; whatever we know, it is half what people used to know... I could go on and on. One feeling that never leaves me is that of having been robbed of the opportunity to know so much more than what I know so far - about things that truly matter, and not the useless kind used to fill brain space... And always it puzzles me to think that 2000 years ago, if not even further back in time, people who supposedly lived in shacks could come up with such brilliant logical reasoning and mathematical discoveries, for instance, but today not one person can do that.
That's why I doubt history. How can history make sense when one looks at our evolution? We were smarter, more creative and wiser at a time when candles were the norm. We are dumber, emptier and more deluded while living immersed in so-called advanced technology. It makes NO sense whatsoever.
Maybe I’m wrong... Tell me that I’m wrong, it would at least give me hope.
These days, everything is about a ‘new’ something. A new trend, a new era, a new technology, a new way of thinking, a new art, a new... world.
People have a tendency to want to fix what was never broken in the first place. I’m just looking around me and I don’t like what I see. It disturbs me greatly, that direction this ‘new world’ has taken - and we don’t know where we’re heading yet.
I just want to cry till I’m blue in the face. Why is this world always so cold?... We make it cold when it could be so warm... We spoil everything and then come up with the most charming of ideals... but these ideals are only far-fetched because we prefer to destroy things. It’s always a matter of choice, it always was, always will be. I know that, you choose to ignore it.
Sometimes it makes me wonder if I’m not really caught in some computer game where I’m the only real person and everyone else is part of a simulation... Why not? There is such a stark contrast between my own life, the way I think, and that of others around me that I can’t help thinking such silly things.
It might just be that nature spawns people like me for others to indulge in hurting them... I’m like some kind of Christmas present for mean people. I wonder what keeps me from not simply jumping out the window, to be completely honest. Knowing my luck, I’d probably end up paralysed rather than dead. I don’t live so far off the ground. Three floors are unlikely to kill you unless you happen to land straight on your head, or something. Maybe if I dived I’d pull it off. Not that I'd try, mind you.
Is it okay to just shoot a few idiots, just to unwind? I’d only shoot idiots, and since the world is full of fucking idiots who think they’re all that, no one would notice their absence.
I hate the world and its freaking neighbour. I hate people, I hate you and I hate everything else.
How come I am in love with the ideal of humanity?
I have no land, no wants, no roots. I am truly free to do as I please and though I am afraid at times, I know I have it in me to always challenge the fear. I’m like the wind blowing here and there, and never for too long. I am the ancient cliff slowly eroded by swelling waves.
We live under the illusion that human life is supposed to be enjoyable, for some reason. We live under the illusion that the aim would be to enjoy ourselves and forget about the rest. That is an illusion we created for ourselves, and it is not far off from being a major delusion. Even the rich don’t find peace or fulfillment, just as the poor or the outcast never seem to find an end to their suffering and struggles.
We imprison our own selves in bubbles of delusions we then pass on to our children as Truth. And the circle of lies only keeps growing.
The so-called study of history is proof of how capable we are of twisting things. What is true about history? What isn’t but a mere reflection of someone else’s view at a time and place where that person was of enough influence to impose it? History is being reshaped every day, and the truth itself drowns further into oblivion along with the dead who can no longer speak.
Truth dies the same way an old man lying on his deathbed with tubes down his throat preventing him from speaking tries to say something. He gargles a few times, people lean closer with puzzled looks. They eventually pat his sweating head and smile down on him. The old man dies with words lost in his throat forever.
That is exactly what happens to Truth.
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4 comments:
“How can every single person be wrong about me?”
Maybe you haven’t quite come to terms with who you are yet? Or maybe you hide your “true” self. Which is obvious I suppose reading your entry “identity”.
Why do you day say what we know is half of what we used to know? Cause I have a friend who says the same thing but I feel like saying that is emphasizing maybe greater minds of an era and attaching it to humanity as a whole. He can never specifically answer me but if he could I’m sure he used Nostradamus or the Mayan as example. But Nostradamus is one person and discoveries of the Mayan could have likely been discoveries of a handful of Mayan scholars. Not the whole civilization. I’m sure a group of vastly intelligent people living in shacks could come up with mathematical discoveries, but not the whole. And that’s the same as today. Excepting maybe our population is greater. I’d like you to use more examples because I feel like you generalize and if you can truly support this I’d really like to know.
I do, however, agree we were smarter, more creative and wiser at a time when candles were the norm. This I think is because we had more time alone with ourselves. Time to wonder about things we didn’t know about, and we couldn’t know a lot so we imagined. Television took away this luxury. So did having everything you ever needed at your fingertips. The difference is people turning to television for entertainment (viral videos are only increasing this monstrosity) rather than having to come up with their own stories. They could’ve even had one person in their small community that was really good at storytelling and that encourages social embracing of one another, which I believe can support an idea that these people had more moral towards one another and less prejudice because of their sense of community.
“A new trend, a new era, a new technology, a new way of thinking, a new art, a new… world…”
I once had a friend say that she was running out of new things. This is the first time I’ve ever heard anyone say anything like that. I’ve never emphasized on having new things but it really opened my eyes and I could see it everywhere. People NEEDED new things to reinvent themselves!!! This really shattered my world and my sense of identity. Why is this?
Your wondering of being caught in a video game is funny cause it reminds me of myself. I sometimes think the same thing. It’s like the philosophy of simulated reality. The human cognitive is no difference than the algorithm of a computer. This is only a charming way to think and is a means to escape that our cold reality might just be that, a cold reality.
I hate people, I hate you and I hate everything else. How come I am in love with the ideal of humanity?
I really like that. Anyways please respond I enjoy your posts very much thanks.
It's the first time anyone leaves a comment as long and thorough as yours, and that means more than I could express, so I wanted to at least let you know that.
"Maybe you haven’t quite come to terms with who you are yet? Or maybe you hide your “true” self. Which is obvious I suppose reading your entry “identity”."
Yes, maybe... It sure isn’t easy to face who you should have been rather than the broken version society wants you to be.
It’s not really about hiding my true self, it’s more about realising that one does it without being conscious of it sometimes. The slow, deep realisation that there were so many faces that made ‘me’ led to the entry titled Identity. Most of us don’t present our true self to the world, we only pick and present the faces we think are best suited to a situation or person. We may not choose to do it consciously but the effect remains the same. That’s why I liked comparing it to wearing masks. I think it takes great courage and an intense inner understanding to be able to not only uncover the true self buried under a simply huge collection of ‘faces’ we start collecting from birth but also to present that true self to the world regardless of the consequences.
When I started sharing my thoughts on my blog, I found it easier to do so without self-censorship by using a pen name. I also wanted to be certain of what it was I thought before I would be ready to stand by them no matter what. I mean, if one day I want to be able to be my true self, I want to be as certain as humanly possible that what I’m presenting really is my true self, and not yet again a variant of it that is tamed, one way or another, by society’s expectations.
“Why do you say what we know is half of what we used to know?”
What I was trying to say was that as people we tend to know less than we used to in the past, but of course as a whole (as a society) we seem to know more. In the detail, or on an individual level, we are certainly less knowledgeable today, but the collection of all that broken knowledge still allows for the whole to present itself as advanced. I guess I was trying to highlight the fact that in the detail, knowledge and skills have been so broken down that it has become rarer to find one person that could do one thing completely. Even at an educational level, what we learn is so far removed from any form of true knowledge and often so irrelevant that many will come out of so-called education remembering next to nothing.
“Cause I have a friend who says the same thing but I feel like saying that is emphasizing maybe greater minds of an era and attaching it to humanity as a whole.”
That’s a very good point you make, you know. This thought I expressed was based on my own observations and of course perception, because I don’t know much in essence and I tend to start with my own inner understanding of things. If you take the example of education alone, what strikes me is how 50 years ago alone, people coming out of school were fluent in ancient languages like Latin, or whatever field they had been studying, they owned a far greater amount of knowledge - and I wonder if it wasn‘t because they weren‘t assailed with so many different ‘subjects‘ as we are today so that there is now a complete lack of focus for the mind on one single thing. Instead, minds are taught to learn a bit of everything in rather superficial ways so that in the end what the mind ’knows’ is tantamount to nothing at all. This of course I based on my own experience and own observations.
It may be that I’m simply misreading the aim of our times, which seems to be intent on somehow giving the impression that we are all equal and we all deserve equal ‘opportunities’. Isn’t that why everyone is ‘allowed’ to go to school for instance? In appearance or theory at least, it easily looks to most people like a very humane approach from society compared to the past when most people remained illiterate and only the wealthy could afford it (that is if you believe in History and the versions or point of views of it presented to us, which I always doubt). Today, if you dare criticise the education system, they’ll shake their finger at you and say that it is at least way better than it was before. All I see from where I stand is that regardless of the true intent (whether it was an idealistic/humane idea of somehow giving everyone a ‘chance’ or not) the way it has evolved reminds me of a very efficient machine to mould minds - allowing only for the minds society needs to strive while all others are smothered to inner death to follow the herd even when one thinks they are not.
“People NEEDED new things to reinvent themselves!!!This really shattered my world and my sense of identity. Why is this?”
This realisation you had is linked to the observation you made about television and the flood of ‘entertainment’ mediums that are constantly bombarding the mind. There really is no escape from it and it works well in not only confusing the mind but also to pull it in various direction up to the point where we are simply unable to focus anymore. The more we indulge in that flood of constant information in which society immerses us, the more we seem to lose the ability to concentrate on one precise thing. In any case, not for long because there is always something else (an opinion, a thought, or just what I sum up as noise) to grab your attention. This era is immersed in illusions, more so than ever before, and it puts an emphasis on appearances so much that it is no longer possible to find out any basic truth for yourself. I mean… You can’t even tell what’s really on your plate at lunch, you only ‘know’ because there’s a label stuck on your bottle of ketchup that says it’s ketchup, so to speak. Everything is now so far removed from us… and that’s something that doesn’t suit my mind in the sense that I always need to base my reasoning on a sound base, rather than an already existing one we are required to assume as sound - yet I have no means to check for myself that it is so.
People have grown addicted to new things because it fits with an era where appearances are everything, just like living in your own bubble of illusions as an ‘individual’. Because individuality is heralded as the new freedom, wants are encouraged, and I think I don’t need to go into much detail to say that people’s wants tend to be infinite while they can never really fulfil them. There is so much irrelevant stuff out there that in a way it works well to ensure people can actually spend their WHOLE existence chasing one want after the other, and while they lose themselves in that illusory quest, they neglect their own deep understanding of themselves and the world they live in. That doesn’t make them stupid, but in the end all they can ever do is dwell in depth for a few minutes at a time before dismissing their own realisations as if it never happened to revert back to the illusions they pursue all their lives.
It seems that in the end Identity is nothing more than the way you present yourself at a certain time and place. The only constant about your identity isn’t even your looks as such, because they change over time as we grow older, but perhaps it is the name printed on your passport. As an individual, you are a mere collection of masks you picked up from birth according to the type of environment and people you were exposed to.
That’s the conclusion I reached so far, and I’m still reflecting on this a lot, which is why I haven’t yet added a new post. I need to spend more time thinking in depth before I can add to it.
In any case, I really appreciate your comment and how you highlighted my lack of precision at times… that’s something I’ve been aware of for some time, and that’s also what has made me stop adding more posts for the time being. I keep writing in ways that are either too general or riddled with abstract thoughts and it bothers me. I’m also tired of merely stating/writing things while my actions in reality do not match my thoughts. I’m just not sure how to break that circle I seem to be stuck in right now.
(had to cut my post in 3 parts as it was too long!)
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