inner thoughts

The little girl within is always so frightened and she doesn’t even know why exactly. Life itself petrifies her. People and society in general puzzle her. She feels so vulnerable, drifting along a path she never meant to take while lacking the human chapter on adaptation. So she always questioned everything and could never find a clear answer, but she kept trying because she is stubborn and doesn’t think there would be sense in doing anything else but question if understanding is still out of reach.

Others begin to question things at some point in their lives, but soon they seem too disheartened to keep going. Why can I not give up myself? Why can I not "simply" accept things as they stand? Why can I not believe in spoon-fed truths and why do I feel that powerful need to find out for myself even if it means that in the end I will unveil very little?

As I began reflecting on my true self it soon became clear that there was never one side or two that made up a person, but rather a myriad of sides much akin to that of a rough diamond buried far too long in the muddiest of waters. Because my own self fascinates me I end up mesmerized by all the simplest of things from nature to the core of humanity where each component that forms it is another mind made up of another myriad of facets so different and so alike at the same time.

And then I keep seeing God on a deathbed and I worry that society could now go either way: either bury the illusion once and for all and become so much more or crawl back into its nest much like the little girl within me is dying to do to escape the cold, ruthless light of Truth beyond all illusions.

But one life. ONE life. That is all we have. One life. I want to make sense of that one life I have, the only one I’ll ever have. I want this more than anything in the world, and therefore I will transcend any fear I may have. I want to see beyond that veil of illusions pulled over my eyes since I was born and I want true knowledge, the one you gain by going through any reasoning yourself- not a borrowed version or shortcut to knowledge.

Can it be done? I do not know, but I sure will let you know, though I doubt anyone truly ever wants truth.

Truth, in the end, is another empty shell of a word full of ideals that sound good to the ear but that very few have the guts to search to the end.