Fragments...

... Of thoughts.

Beyond the dive into nothingness where nothing is or ever was, beyond illusions and pretence when no more is left than rubbles and what was believed to be once but really never was… A drifter in this reality and the next that should not be, that is what I is.

I am naturally distant, I keep feeling as though attachment is a weakness that is bound to induce pain at some point because everything one ever has one is destined to lose- so why get attached in the first place? My loathing of pain seems to contradict fully my belief that pain can in fact be a major striving factor. Through pain and hardship one can push his own boundaries and grow further than any other person immersed in comfort. Because comfort leads far too easily to contentment, or rather apathy and a lack of motivation to go beyond what the eye can see.


It seems I just don’t care about anything in this world and that this life is too ridiculous in essence –as it stands, or is made to be thought as- to be taken seriously. Nothing holds any great value to me, nothing real or material worth dying for… Not in this life, or reality rather, plagued with inconsistency and randomness at every corner. I can play along to an extent, pretend that I care, that I’m just like the rest- and I will give you a smile or two on the way to hide the sorrow eating at me inside. In the end, I will always feel like the odd one out, the one who doesn’t belong anywhere. Though I speak and write in English, and French will always remain my mother-tongue, neither could ever serve as a rightful medium to express my true self; and I suspect the sorrow I feel inside stems from a suffocated mind dying to break free from a prison of words and illusions it was born into from the start.

The drifter. Only another drifter could understand the pain, the torture of living for real. Because I see reality as it is, beyond the layers of illusions that allow others to bear it without questioning it so much… And I don’t like what I see, not one bit. Take that one step aside and look at the world: what do you see? If you are blind chances are you will see nothing, but if there is even an ounce of logic left in you then I promise you that you will be left reeling at the sight of the sheer randomness and nonsense that goes one and makes up our lovely little world full of man-made beliefs and placebo-like tricks to numb minds.

Chances are that there isn’t another drifter. I am the only true drifter in this fucked-up world, the rest is part of a cheap game of chess where one clear aim at least seems to be to make the pawns believe that they matter when they so obviously don’t- and never will.