Errare humanum est

Everything has taken the colour of stupid these days.

It's miserable and cold outside. My hands are freezing. My head is spinning with pointless thoughts... No, wait, I'm lying. These thoughts aren't pointless at all, they are trapped.

I'm growing ever so tired of expressing thoughts through words that have no bearing on the reality I am chained to. How can you bear it? Is there some sort of switch you can press that makes you giggle and accept the absolute nonsense of everything around you? Is mine broken? And if it is, do you know of any good doctor that could fix it for me?

I walk down the street and I look blankly around me, at the faceless crowds, at the women pushing prams about and taking up most of the space on the bus, at the beggar in a corner, at the lovers holding hands as they walk through the park, at the men in suits looking like utter morons as they seem to talk to themselves, but really they are talking on the phone... I look at the world and I wonder: is this real?

What am I doing here? Who are you people? What am I?

How do I escape? Don't get me wrong, I love life, I just can't stand this world and its messed-up setting. I hate the fact that I have no choice but to live in it with not one single option to escape from it.

Having said this, I'm not depressed. I am having a rare moment of complete lucidity, and what I see scares me.

If you could see reality the way I constantly see it, removed from all the comfortable illusions behind which we hide...
... The trouble with having managed to pierce through the illusions is that you can never go back. Truth really is like a bad smell that sticks to you like a second layer of skin. No amount of scrubbing can make it go away.