To the core of idealism

I ignored the inevitable for so long that while I remained safely in the nest, sheltered from too direct or deep interaction with reality, my mind wasn’t. It kept growing faster than my emotional side. And now my mind seems to expect far greater things than my person can live up to because my emotions are unruly, almost alien to me. The only way I could ever express them is through writing, venting wave after wave of unfathomable pain, regret, bitterness, love and anger. I have simply no perspective as far as that deeper side is concerned. All I do know is that it is very strong, very determined, narrow-minded to favour efficiency and result, and quite ruthless because it no longer cares for individuals but humanity as a whole. I’m beginning to see every person as interchangeable, more or less akin to any other animal having dozens of offsprings and the only way to prove to me that you are beyond such randomness you would have to step up with your own life to achieve a greater purpose: that of striving for the god-like experience and hopefully succeed. Anything else would be trivial in the sense that whatever you ‘choose’ to do with your life can be done by anyone else in your place. Therefore you are not unique, you are not a true individual, you are expandable and interchangeable.

Why the God-like experience? Because it makes sense. Once you reject religion in all form and shape, you let go of crutches and morals instilled in you without giving you a chance to ever be able to reflect on them objectively. Then, as you reject all, there is a void, an emptiness. You get to a very dark place where there is simply nothing left. To reach for truth or what ought to be, even in the hope of finding a higher plane or being, the only way would be to strive to reach up for that ideal or sense you have in you. How else can you reach a ‘god’ if you, yourself, don’t attempt to step up to its realm? So far, religion has always alluded to the idea that gods were perfection and that we were forever imperfect, therefore bound to remain pawns or guilt-ridden creatures of doom. Either you remain safely nestled in the illusion of religion or you follow logic to the end and as you turn away from such notions as religion you must be able to see the argument through to the end. Otherwise you’re an idiot. You’re worse than the friend who blindly believes in whatever god he was conditioned to worship and fear.

Why? Because you are the one boasting to have rejected religion but unless you come to the conclusion that men can then transcend the ideal of god to become their own gods -their own strive to perfection- you’re nothing but a fraud. A coward too afraid to face their own true self. I’m afraid, too. I’m scared every day, every second of my life, but then I am really human: while I feel emotions, I do not let them govern me. I ensure that whatever it is I feel will only serve to make me stronger, higher.

On individuality

I was watching the X factor last night, the most pointless singing talent competition there could ever be. I couldn’t help watching, of course. It makes you cringe and laugh. But it also allows me to question myself more, so it can't just be a thoughtless indulgence on my part.

What annoyed me most was the way most of the candidates seem to think that fame and success would define them as persons. Take woman X, whose reason for coming on the show was ‘to give her kids a better life and achieve something in her life so they would look up to her with pride’. Such a statement is so devoid of any logic and so contradictory or blind in itself that I won’t even bother explaining why. If people can’t see how flawed her reasoning is then...They probably won’t be able to understand even if I took the time to explain in stages. It would thus make more sense to carry on with my point.

As I watched television it made me realise that it is all really about a need for individuality, a sense of actually existing, being better, more important than anyone else. Most people want to stand out from the masses by any means necessary and they adopt a misguided belief that fame, above all else, will achieve that aim. We all have a purpose in mind, the difference is that most people’s aim is flawed from the start. This might be explained by low IQ or lack of logical reasoning. This in fact I suspect is the reason why it is so easy to manipulate the masses. Give them a false sense of worth that you identify as being their craving and they will lose themselves at once. Nowadays this technique has been so greatly facilitated by the illusions projected through the lens of the media that it is almost despicable. You could lure almost about anyone with the promise of fame and/or money. People think they crave those two things when really all they want is to feel a sense of individuality.

 Therefore the likelihood is that as of at least today I can assume that most societies as they stand do not permit such a thing as individuality. And now I realise that it is the constant promise of granting individuality which has permitted our current form of political system - capitalism- to take over societies or control the masses. Of course, as I can see it now, this looks more like a carrot and stick game than a reality. And still a majority do not possess the logic or are unwilling to use it to challenge the biggest delusion of our times.