Hopeless

I was lying in bed all morning, unable to make myself get up. Every time I convinced myself to try I'd then stop in my tracks, my mind drawing a big fat blank as to why I needed to get up. Yeah, why do I need to do anything at all, what's the point?

Why even write these words?

I know all the bullshit answers that are supposed to be motivational or make you feel good. They all sound lovely to the ear, for sure. More importantly, they're all what you're expected to think and say to one another like good little members of an increasingly hypocritical world that cares only about the image it projects without having any real substance behind.

So I was turning and tossing in bed, unwilling to do anything except sleep the day away... I wondered how come I'm no longer able to work on stories I used to love writing. And then it hit me like a thousand bricks on the head: since I've lost any strive for success and have ceased to exist according to the validation of others I have lost any sense of reason to do anything at all.

It's not depression, far from it. I'm fighting a state most people will always remain blissfully ignorant of for their whole existence - I'm staring at what happens when you no longer are, think, or do anything based on others and the need for their validation to feel like you exist. This illusion-based need to have others' attention and validation is what fuels most of our urges to do anything beyond meeting basic needs (basic needs being fuelled by primal/survival instincts).

Remove the need for others' attention and validation and suddenly whenever you get the idea of doing anything at all it is met by a sarcastic - but lucid - inner voice that asks : what the hell for?
Ultimately, whatever we achieve as human beings beyond surviving is driven by the presence of other fellow humans, more widely called 'society'. When a society is crumbling and its very fabric is being dissolved then I can only venture that some people are more prone to see it than others and that the very ability to see it leads to that state I'm in and which leaves me observing the world with no longer any urge to ever take part in it again because somewhere down the line it felt too much like staring at something I am not and never will be.

Add to that the fact that I really don't like the world I live in and the directions it is taking, how it is making the majority of people become consumption-driven human drones, how truths and even knowledge are constantly manipulated, distorted or hidden according to the fake humanist/democratic ideology imposed on the whole world one country after another,  how the fact that we are now so many billions is making it easier to encourage intense competition and the need for most to sell themselves shamelessly in the name of 'success' and money to supposedly 'stand out' and how, ultimately, the only ones really benefiting the most from such conditions remain the exact same ruling classes as ever - the same types, the exact same ones only rebranded to blend in or be perceived as cool or simply hiding behind the faceless entities that are corporations allowed to grow to such monstrous magnitude, swallowing everything else in their wake to suck up the life of us all.

Queen once asked "who wants to live forever' but I think the question should really be: "who wants to live in such a world?"

More to the point, unless I find a new source to fuel any action I may take in life I'll be left in a state similar to  inertia, which would not be good.