Snowing Down to Reality

It’s a picture perfect of winter outside... The sky has cleared up a bit since yesterday - that’s the one good thing about this island: clouds drift away as swiftly as they appear - and the wintry sun is a dim golden glow on the snow.

The naked trees have a thin layer of whiteness spread along their twisted limbs and the evergreen shrubs are half-immersed in a blanket of snow. Birds are fluttering from roofs to treetops, wings black against the sun that seems to set low forever in this winter time. And when I pop my head out the open window, a gush of icy air greets me, full of mordant freshness that tickles the skin. It looks and smells just like winter indeed.


The news are full of snow stories, of course, and the media even managed to come up with a new expression: Frozen Britain. I’m really starting to think they have that one person sitting in some office, somewhere, hired and paid for the sole purpose of coming up with such catchy expressions. It’s probably the case. Why not? Everything these days is delegated to the maximum and every task imaginable has been split in smaller ones so that no one person ever does anything on their own anymore.

Apparently, division of labour speeds up the supply of any sort of goods and greatly increases it. The great downside of this, and to me it is a huge one, is that we end up with people who are unable to do one COMPLETE thing themselves. They can do part of a thing, but someone else is now forever needed to complete that thing. I don’t see how that makes us stronger or more evolved in the detail.

On the whole, we do look evolved because the masses end up making a complete thing, but what doesn’t fit is the fact that in the detail, each individual is maimed: not one person can actually do a damn thing. It bothers me no end. It makes me feel as though I was handicapped from the start. Maybe that’s exactly it. That division only served to nurture consumerism, and the price to pay was that it handicapped us as individuals. We don’t know anything completely, we only know bits of things.

Even if you gathered all the bits that you know, it wouldn’t even come close to knowing ONE thing completely. Therefore knowing a lot of different parts does not equals to knowing the whole. We are handicapped. Our minds are like a limp foot. We ‘know’ a lot of various little things, perhaps one little technique in the detail, but we remain ignorant of the whole. Our knowledge becomes even more limited and so does our perception, if not our reality itself. We feel more knowledgeable because we seem to know so many little things, but we are really more ignorant than ever before.


The proof is, again, in the pudding. Not only are we growing dependent on complex, faceless structures from ‘above’, but we don’t even realise it. How could we? The only way to realise that is when those structures collapse, and suddenly we have to rely on ourselves, and... Surprise! Most people couldn’t save their lives even if they tried. They wouldn’t even know where to start. In that sense, I feel like we’ve been turned into mindless chicken, except our type of chickens live in 'luxury' homes rather than inside a wooden den.

Take away the landscape detail, and all that’s left are chickens.

Ira, Irae for Anger

I can’t believe what I’ve just heard on the news... I’m so shell-shocked and angered I almost wish I hadn’t moved from my bed to walk to the living room and switch the TV on. It was Channel 4 news and some guy was talking in front of a projected image of a graph about the latest UN recommendations from that rotten Copenhagen meeting. My mouth opened in utter surprise, perhaps it was dismay, as I listened to what was being said. ‘Climate change’, the biggest fallacy of our times, was being used as an excuse to push the ugly agenda on population number control - read population curbing, here. The summit’s forecast? In a few years, the 6 billions of us will shoot up to 10.5 billions, and guess what, that’s bad for the climate.

One of the main recommendations? I quote: “Educating women to curb climate change”. ARE YOU KIDDING ME? Some guy invited on the news program was talking about the need to start volunteering to only have one child - Hello, China. Well, girls, hang onto your ovaries tightly...

Apparently women are the ones who need to be educated so they will have less kids. It’s a shame they forgot to propose mass neutering of the male population, that would seem like a quicker fix for dear climate change since the majority of women at least in the developing world are still under the thumb of their husbands who are the ones to pick them from the cot to marry them - if they’re lucky not to end up on the meat rack of the rape/ sex exploitation business - and... guess what? They want kids.

Of course, I don’t care about who gets the nip as it is utterly irrelevant in the greater scheme of things. The real issue isn’t about who is asked to get educated (but I needed to express the depth of my anger and contempt for such an obvious patriarchal world government, as always), it is about the wave of horrendous control coming our way from all sides. Just as they dropped that bombshell on the news, they swiftly moved on to discuss upcoming elections in Britain. How sweet. Let’s talk about Labour and Tories, as though the two parties weren’t really about the same thing fundamentally. As if either could bring anything different than what their identical agenda from ‘above’ dictates. As if the ‘politicians’ reciting speeches they don’t even write themselves were really in power of anything but their own fat, corrupted wallets.

Mark my word, first they placed a few issues here and there, like climate change. They revamped it so it looked serious enough to get sheep - oops, sorry, I meant to say people - worried. ‘Don’t use plastic bags, it hurts the planet’, ‘use three bins to recycle everything’, ‘don’t take a bath, take a shower to save water’, ‘don’t eat meat, cattle is bad for the climate’... They used to say things like “think about your grand-children’s future”, but wait - what grand-children? The invisible ones? I don’t see how we’ll need to worry about it once we’re no longer allowed to reproduce.
Then, they start talking about ‘volunteering’... Volunteering to sterilize yourself, volunteering to get abortions (it’s good business for them, they can even recycle aborted embryos and experiment on them - for free)...

Now, let’s sit back and watch what happens next. If ‘volunteering’ doesn’t produce results, they can always impose it on us - hello again, China. After all, they did just that with the Lisbon Treaty, first with Britain, then Ireland (everyone understands the Irish people made a mistake when they first said NO; they really meant YES, right?). But wait - China is one of the big players these days. Forget that there is no democracy or freedom of expression in that country - if you look around closely enough, you’ll realise there is no such thing as a democracy here, either, except we were told time and time again that there was, and like wishful thinking, we all kind of bought it at face value. Ah, the beauty of conditioning.

I have to say I’m more than a little miffed no one ever dared propose less drastic solutions first to that so-called climate change business (ohhh, it is a business, and a lucrative one, but not for us).



Like, I don’t know... I’ll take a silly example: say a ship laden with passengers, food, water, furniture and bricks was beginning to sink in the middle of an ocean. What would common sense dictate we get rid of first? Would anyone really decide people should be thrown overboard first to ease the weight? Common sense would tell a person to throw away the bricks, then the furniture, then the food, then the water. Then you’d lock hands with fellow passengers, pray, and hope you can make it to the shore swimming, or something - or maybe enough time would have passed for another ship to pick you up.

In the case of so-called climate change, I’m left absolutely astounded that people should be the first ones to go (in the sense that we should first stop having 'so many' kids), when cars, planes, fuming factories and all that technology are all nicely kept untouched. Nah, they’ll tell you, stop having so many kids, that’s the real solution - leave the cars alone. Don’t even think about it, just do as we say. We know best. We are the experts, you’re just a drop in the ocean, you know nothing, mate.

By the way, I love the word ‘expert’. Apparently, you can become an ‘expert’ after 10 years of studying a particular subject. Can I claim to be an expert in smelling BS since I’ve been smelling and studying it at school compulsorily for almost two decades? Or does it only really work one way - the corrupt way?



And finally... I kind of miss hearing about global warming in the news every day. What happened to that term, eh? Now it’s all about climate change, but who can spot the not-so-subtle shift, here? There was too much noise within scientific circles, or debate, as to whether it was global warming or cooling, so instead the media was told to go for the blanket term: climate change. See, that way, you can’t accuse anyone of lying - EVER. I mean, doesn’t the weather change all the time, but more importantly, doesn’t climate shift a little over the years naturally?



I don’t know... Maybe some time soon they’ll announce that what really happened to the dinosaurs was that they were all so big that all their farting led to the ice age. If I say that, no one will take me seriously, but if a team of ‘experts’ backed by governments went on the telly to say: “Dinosaurs were so big and there were so many of them that their gas emission became too much to handle, leading to global cooling”, then I wonder how many would simply take it for truth.

Thoughts

I have a test this week in Ethics, which is a poor excuse for a module, if you ask me ( it only lasted 4 weeks). We’re spoon-fed half-baked theories we must accept as moral because it is the PC thing to do and then we have to answer stupid questions to show how well we can play the PC game.

It’s a heavy week in terms of assignments and tests, but I still found the time to read a whole little book last night... No... Not a classic, I’m afraid, but a cheap, laughable romance that inspired the True Blood series on TV.
See, reading it was alright. The writing world has this unique capacity for boundless limits in terms of shock-value, dissent, mainstream or ideals. It’s a funny, quite violent and lusty kind of cheap series, but it is in no way as gross or perverted as it presents itself on screen, because the written word gives you some kind of control over the images that are created in your mind - which a TV or cinema screen does not.
The only scar I’m left with is the familiar, exacerbated daydreaming state in which I slip for a few days following a read. I can then move on to the next read.


There can be no question as to the effect 2D depiction of events has on the human mind and its psychological workings. Perhaps I should call it the psycho-pathological effects of modern leisure.

The power of the screen is immense and under-estimated only because we are used to its effects on us already and can no longer distinguish the potent influence it yields.

There is at least one universal truth in this world and it is that governments, just like the majority of westernized people, do not give you anything for free. Ever. Yet, here they are encouraging you to get a better quality picture for your TV. They’ll put the price down on that commodity just so the poorest can afford HD at some point soon, so they can have better viewing. At the same time, the price of bread has shot up to three times what it was a mere couple of years ago. At the same time, the bread we buy is no longer the quality it used to be, and there is simply no way of knowing truly what it is made of. And that’s only bread, here, as an example.

Our fridge at home is pretty much empty most of the time, not because we can’t afford to buy food, but because we simply have no clue what to eat anymore. On Sunday, right after I’d popped by a friend's house to retrieve my notebook, I went shopping at Morrison’s and felt like buying some fish. The choice was dire so I settled for some salmon steak. It looked nice enough under the plastic cover, pink and healthy, just as any piece of salmon would. It definitely looked the part, whatever it really was.


I mean, I’m sure it used to be a ‘real’ salmon, but what the poor piece of fish won’t tell you even if it lived, is that it comes from intensive farming and was filled with hormones from the start, without forgetting the random toxins and chemicals added to the mix. Once the fish was cooked, I cut up tiny pieces for my cat to eat. He barely touched it, my fish-lover cat.
He had started to go crazy smelling the fish cooking in the oven, though, and was impatiently pestering us for food. Imagine my puzzled look when I finally gave him what he wanted only to watch him sniff the stuff and walk away. If a cat could ever sneer a snort, I guess that’s what mine would have done.


Can a cat be naturally more astute when it comes to survival instincts? I ate my share, but he certainly did not.

Of course, the horrendous ‘beauty’ in this is that eating the garbage we actually pay to have is unlikely to kill you on the spot. Of course it won’t. It might not even show any side effects.
The thing is... Even if our bodies really worked just as well as recycling bins, I would have hoped that we, humans, had more esteem for our kind. Apparently, we don’t.


I guess I’ll say it myself: “The European Union is kind of sinister.”
Tim had said that in passing and we barely brushed the significance of that gut feeling. Yet, what is the EU but one piece of a bigger jigsaw? It’s a nanny state hiding behind the safety blanket of human rights . The ‘nanny’ is more likely to turn out to be a previously convicted rapist masquerading as a social worker to be close to its victim. We are, by the way, the children of the state, whatever age we might be. We don’t own or know ourselves, or aren’t supposed to; we don’t know what’s good for us; we don’t know the difference between right and wrong; we couldn’t survive on our own. The state ‘knows’ all those things for us best. What makes up the state? Men just as fallible as the poor sod next door, except those in power have connections and money to become untouchable.

Here lies the dilemma: man needs society to an extent. Society becomes crucial to pass on knowledge and harbour development, and without some form of society, even a simple group of people, mankind would most likely wither to a pulp. It is equally detrimental, if not homicidal, to imprison man under the thumb of corrupted chiefs.

I’m worried, yet at the same time I’m not. How could that be? Well, we’ve been there before, we’ve faced that kind of crossroads before, truly. I know what can’t be stopped: the slow rise of a tiny portion of people who will become the power’s best pest. Rebels whose weapons comprise a pen, a brush or a voice. For every rebel killed, another rises in his place, as surely as the sun sets down to be born again the next day. In that sense, truth seekers have already won the battle on the bigger scale. In the end, who needs superheroes when we have the mind?

I don’t know how or when we got to the stage where we surrendered our lives to be ruled and governed by corporations, but the fact remains that we have. It’s hard to picture it in our heads, and it’s even harder to picture the gross significance of that fact. First, how does one picture in his mind what bears no face? In some countries, like England, a company becomes an individual entity before law, just like a Jane Doe or John Smith, yet the company is no single person but a conglomeration of so many people running it that it becomes a faceless entity in reality.
A company, however, is to the corporation what the chihuahua is to the German Shepherd or rottweiler. These faceless entities are what now rules the world. For every ‘famous’ face or brand, there is a corporation behind. Fact.

The nihilist society

Things have to get worse before they get better... It’s hard to see how much worse things can get on all levels. We’ve got to the stage where we no longer have any idea what it is we put in our mouth, but we carry on mindlessly courtesy of adaptation and, well, conditioning.

Take my case, for instance. I was born when supermarket giants were already the norm, just as banks, credit cards and the media were. I never stopped to wonder about the voices that came out from the radio or television sat in mum’s living room because I was born and grew up surrounded by these machines from the start. I took them for granted, as a normal occurrence of life. It’s hard to question what seems to always have been there. It’s even harder when the general consensus dictates that it is a good thing.

Isn’t it a shock to the system when you suddenly learn that what you always took for granted and safe turns out to be reckless and life-threatening, maybe to the point of being in fact evil? At this point, I no longer long for an escape into a fantasy world - it almost feels as though I’ve begun to drown in some dystopia. As Cara would have thought: “Of all the fantasies I’d longed to escape into, this one was not one of them.”

Everything is distorted, twisted according to some agenda, and though it appears almost impossible to spell out exactly what is going on, one thing emerges clear as a diluted, mid-summer blue sky: all that is done is done for profit.

Science is no longer a potential wonder for mankind, it is a weapon. You read of genetic manipulations under the guise of ‘human interest’. Where does one draw the line? The scary thing is that a majority in power, and even within scientific circles, don’t believe that any line should be drawn - ever. Why draw a line, they would smirk, when all a line does is limit you. So you hear of mice being grown a human ear on their backs and the justification for such gross barbary is simple: to further scientific and medical advances in the hope of 'saving' more human lives.


In one corner, you have pro-life folks storming against individuals who choose to abort their foetus or embryo. In another corner, you have a bunch of scientists planning to use embryos for experiments. Science has become another blanket word and anything goes under its guise. To live. To survive. To remain in this world for as long as possible. That excuse is enough to carry out the most perverse of actions.

Sure, on an individual level, one could not be blamed for wanting to live or survive... It is part of an instinct as old as the Earth itself - that of survival. But... No, we are not supposed to live forever, and no, we are not supposed to get our own way every time, and no we are not supposed to justify the means for an end. In every trauma, every terrible event or set of circumstances that befall us, there is something for the person to learn from - to grow. It doesn’t mean it won’t be hard, almost destructive at times, but it is the only way to grow as human beings.

Childhood is about learning boundaries, hence the constant breaching of such boundaries. Adults are meant to guide and teach, and make sure whatever boundary is breached, it isn’t one that is too horrendous or destructive. The aim would be that through the experiment of breaching boundaries and learning from early, basic experiences, one would reach the adult stage of life with at least a rough idea of which boundaries need to be respected. The rest of existence is spent refining such notions. In other words, we then spend the rest of our lives getting to understand better the ethical and moral side of existence as human beings with the unique ability to think and reason. Well, that’s what ought to be the case. Instead, we see adult life being squandered in futility where materiality and greed become the only purpose for mankind.

In the end, capitalism and consumerism are direct tenets of a nihilist society.
Greed leads to corruption; consumerism leads to want, which leads to greed, which eventually leads to corruption. Here is the pattern that defines what we call a capitalistic society. Profit becomes the beating heart of the system and under its umbrella greed, corruption, consumerism and wants are like arteries departing from it.

There is no such thing as a selfish trait or gene, it is a nurtured, grossly distorted consequence from all the above through conditioning and the need to adapt to survive.
Profit and its pulsing arteries such as greed, consumerism and corruption lead nowhere but to a nihilist conclusion. The process by which it destroys itself is akin to a cancer eating at a body from within. Everything else slowly withers and perishes until only the umbrella and its departing arteries remain, and when that happens, all else is destroyed, and even the umbrella begins to dissolve to nothingness to give way for chaos.

Reflexions

I’m amazed at one thing: how up to speed I am with current events, these days. Since the TV’s reception is bad, I’ve almost completely given up on watching any programme at all, but every time I sit in the living room to eat my meals, I switch on the news channel. That gives me a sum-up of what is ‘going on’ on the day, though of course I’m now amused at the fact that only about 5 things seem to happen in the world on any given day - but nothing much ever happens over the weekend, really, and it’s as though weekends were invented to give the world a rest: nothing major therefore happens, but comes Monday all the trouble kicks off again, right?...


Of course, this week I started buying newspapers again, because I get them half price at uni, and there is a more varied batch of news from around the world, and some writers do have interesting points to make.

“The European Union is kind of sinister...” said Tim last time I saw him. You can say that again.
At school, they teach you to embrace the ideals that the EU claims to embody, so that you are not afraid of what is potentially on the road to becoming a new super-state governed by an elite we, the people, have no control over. I remember how, when I was still in primary school, they would teach us the names and capitals of the countries that had joined the EU. At the time, there were only 15, but now we’re fast approaching the big 30. In 2008, Ireland’s referendum - that is the people’s vote on a specific question - rejected the treaty of Lisbon, you see. Fast forward to this month, and it seems the people need to vote again on the same question, and that makes it look like the power-that-be are really saying “okay, folks, we’re gonna make you vote again because let’s face it, you didn’t pick the right option.”

The piece of paper you vote on that gives you the option of a YES or NO really doesn’t have two options, only the one they want you to choose, which in the case of the Lisbon treaty means a big fat YES. So they’ll hassle people until they get what they want, especially now that the opposition is run-down and the media coerced to endorse the ‘necessity’ of a YES vote.

Oh, the EU is also paving the way for a mighty president, except there is no document whatsoever as to that president’s role, duties, let alone to explain what the position is for or what powers exactly he will have. Apparently, Tony Blair is tipped as one possible winner... I guess that says it all.



It’s all such a shamble... Too many things are happening at once in almost every single area, creating more confusion and chaos. They make you believe that the economy is going to hell, but even if this happens to be the case, it was willed to happened. Yes, they wanted the economy to crash, and in that sense, the crash becomes a very carefully crafted ploy with very intricate safeguards to ensure that while we see the economy crash, they really still have perfect control over it. In other words, they can make it crash, but they can make it go up again because they hold absolute control over the economy, much like a skilled rider spooking his mount but still able to calm it down. After all, banks are the owners of quite a big chunk of the world... They and any government under which you live, also like to think that they own you and all the children you may bear under their umbrella. Scary thought? A reality nonetheless.



Every time you get credit, it is from a bank, and every day you spend in credit makes you the bank’s pawn. Every time you accept government money or financial help of any kind, it doesn’t matter that the money comes from the tax payer’s pocket, you and your family become the government’s pawn. They see you as an asset or commodity which they OWN, therefore whatever bad thing they do to you means nothing to them. They’ve already bought you, and just like a toy that broke, they can always buy a new one. Even the good old worker cannot escape the harsh reality of ownership.
Because you live in cities or use commodities provided by a branch of the government, you become, just like the rest, a pawn, and you belong, like any object, to the state. You have to put yourself in the people in power’s shoes for a minute to grasp that concept of ownership, and when you do, you realise that whatever horror they spring on us makes sense in the light that they see things. What is a population to a handful of corrupted people in power living in mansions and spending millions mindlessly for their own little comfort? To them, we look like tiny little ants running about everywhere, so easily squashed under a boot, and still we reproduce endlessly so that no matter how many fall, the supply of ants never falters too dangerously.

The world never changed, only the words used and landscapes.



Being born in this world sucks if you happen to have a brain that allows you to think fairly and critically. It makes you wish at times that you were born a real ant, so that no matter what happened, at least you wouldn’t be conscious of any wrong-doing. You’d just happen to be squashed or exploited, without the shadow of a second thought.

They give you some comfort, coupled with the idea that money and success can allow you to get even more comfort and luxuries... Fair enough if that’s what one wants, but what about others who, like me, are looking for something more out of this one life we have?
Peace was never some unreachable ideal; peace was turned into that idealistic, naive notion to fit with the age old agenda to keep the world a breeding ground for conflict so that a few could get richer and above all else. I believe that peace is the easiest ideal to attain, but those in power are making sure to prevent it from ever happening. Of course, nowadays it’s hard to agree with such a statement, but that’s all part of the trick, isn’t it? Make people think and feel as though the world of human affairs is so complicated that they’ll end up believing the biggest sham of all times: that peace is a complex notion, that satisfaction and happiness is linked to wealth and success, that corruption and selfish ways are just something that always will be.

There Is No Truth Out There...

... Only convenient versions of it.



Can anything we say or write fit with such verbs as ‘to be’? To be, is, was, will be... The verb alludes to certainties or facts. I am me, I am a girl, I am a person, I am a grown-up... The sky is blue, the clouds are white, the house is big, the dog is barking, the cat is jumping, the weather is foul, etc... I wonder if all these shouldn’t in fact be replaced by a verb that would reflect our limited perception of reality.

Am I, or do I actually only seem to be?

It seems that I is me, and it seems that I is a girl, because of what the majority would say, what they all came to agree on as a crowd - or majority. The sky seems blue, because my eyes tell me that it resembles most the colour we all can see and agree to call ‘blue’. The grass seems green for the same reason, yet a horse could tell you it is red if it could talk (and that's according to the latest scientific research).

There are no certainties, only man-made agreements based on what we see, hear, smell, touch, taste and generally sense or experience in common as a species.
We know that senses are misleading. We smell a certain scent with our limited ability to smell, and a dog would smell something different because his sense of smell is so much more developed. We see the bricks that made up the house, but if our vision was stronger to a certain point, we wouldn’t see the bricks as such, we would see the particles and atoms that make up those bricks that make up that house. Reality would then look quite different at least in appearance.

I wonder where we are heading as a society. It frightens me no end, not because I just happen to see the worst in all technological advances, but because there is not enough time spent on dwelling on consequences. We move on according to our findings, and in that sense we cease to be the masters of our advances. We lose ourselves in a race against time, in a race that has no defined finishing line. Where do you stop, then? And would stopping ever matter, or only the pursuit of knowing more about the world and its neighbour? And can you really understand the world if you haven’t spent the time to know yourself?

Could you say that a ball is a ball if you had never seen one before? What if one explained to you that a ball in round and red or blue and that it bounces when you throw it? Would you then know what a ball is? Well, would you?

If you knew that a ball is round and red or blue and that it bounces when you throw it, you would be able to distinguish such an objects among others. You could point a finger at it and say “ball!”, but would you know what it is, or what it is for intrinsically? Chances are that even if you fail to understand what it is actually meant to do, you would give it your own purpose in mind. You might decide that it is an object to play with, to throw against a wall and play. You could also decide that it is a present from God fallen from the sky. Or a pretty ornament. Its purpose becomes a man-made concept, and it seems that beyond that silly example, most things around us are given the same treatment more or less.

It matters not that meaning eludes us, for we can always give our own meaning to everything.

In a world full of man-made beliefs, I ask one how it can ever be possible to find true meaning.
Are we doomed to only experience reality according to what people agree to perceive as reality, or is there a way beyond that?

Of course, the ball example is flawed in the sense that man invented such an object with some pre-defined purpose in mind. In a way, the guy who created that ball must have wanted to create it so he could play football with it, for instance. But then, if that purpose in mind isn’t explained to others, how are others supposed to know what that ball’s purpose is? They will either remain perplexed, or they will grant it a whole new meaning, hence purpose.

If we look at the advances in sciences, even, we see that men are now more capable than ever to understand the mechanics of a great deal of things that appeared a mystery to us not so long ago.


Whereas one might have once thought that the heart was merely an organ holding all the romantic feelings of the person, we now know that it is one of the main organs necessary to survival, that it acts like a pump to make the blood flow and all that. In that sense, sciences have managed to go beyond imaginary or limited means of understanding. They can tell you that the purpose of the heart is to act as a pump, for instance, and they could now tell you the purpose of various things with quite a lot of certainty.

What disturbs me is the illusionist base on which everything, absolutely everything, rests. We perceive reality in a limited way, in so far as we perceive it as a species and agree together on that vision or perception. What makes sense as purpose in our minds only happens to fit in with our perception. It might well be that the heart’s true purpose is quite different in truth, but we can only perceive a certain purpose for it according to our own limited perception of reality.

I am such a product of my own society, aren’t I? I look for true meaning and reality because I happen to be immersed in more illusions than ever. Removed too far from nature, one might begin a journey back to simplicity, only for the mind to find a remnant of a sound base on which to grow understanding away from too many false assumptions and mistaken conclusions.
In that sense, I am reluctant to put too much faith on granted knowledge, the one that allows a person to skip steps to understand only a certain portion of knowledge.

For instance, in my case, knowing that the Earth revolves around the sun is not true knowledge, it is granted knowledge. I do not know all the theories, calculations or means to get to that ‘fact’. I am merely told that it is so. Because it is a ‘fact’ most will agree on, it must be true, and therefore I ‘know’ that the Earth revolves around the sun. I keep in mind the historical factor that the person who one day told the world that ‘truth’ or discovery was put to death because back then people weren’t ready to accept that the Earth wasn’t in fact at the centre of the universe, or that it wasn’t flat. This mere historical event shows the crucial role social agreement plays in the way we shape our reality.

If anything, granted knowledge is to me nothing more than a risky potential shortcut to mistake. I would rather take the risk of wasting time doubting what is actually true as part of granted knowledge, than assume without truly knowing.

It matters not that in the end I should know very little, because as I wrote it before, I hope that what I do come to understand will at least be as close to true knowledge as humanly possible.
In an ideal world, there would be no mere scientists, there would only be philosophers who happen to be scientists.

There is no truth out there, only convenient versions of it.

inner thoughts

The little girl within is always so frightened and she doesn’t even know why exactly. Life itself petrifies her. People and society in general puzzle her. She feels so vulnerable, drifting along a path she never meant to take while lacking the human chapter on adaptation. So she always questioned everything and could never find a clear answer, but she kept trying because she is stubborn and doesn’t think there would be sense in doing anything else but question if understanding is still out of reach.

Others begin to question things at some point in their lives, but soon they seem too disheartened to keep going. Why can I not give up myself? Why can I not "simply" accept things as they stand? Why can I not believe in spoon-fed truths and why do I feel that powerful need to find out for myself even if it means that in the end I will unveil very little?

As I began reflecting on my true self it soon became clear that there was never one side or two that made up a person, but rather a myriad of sides much akin to that of a rough diamond buried far too long in the muddiest of waters. Because my own self fascinates me I end up mesmerized by all the simplest of things from nature to the core of humanity where each component that forms it is another mind made up of another myriad of facets so different and so alike at the same time.

And then I keep seeing God on a deathbed and I worry that society could now go either way: either bury the illusion once and for all and become so much more or crawl back into its nest much like the little girl within me is dying to do to escape the cold, ruthless light of Truth beyond all illusions.

But one life. ONE life. That is all we have. One life. I want to make sense of that one life I have, the only one I’ll ever have. I want this more than anything in the world, and therefore I will transcend any fear I may have. I want to see beyond that veil of illusions pulled over my eyes since I was born and I want true knowledge, the one you gain by going through any reasoning yourself- not a borrowed version or shortcut to knowledge.

Can it be done? I do not know, but I sure will let you know, though I doubt anyone truly ever wants truth.

Truth, in the end, is another empty shell of a word full of ideals that sound good to the ear but that very few have the guts to search to the end.

Too much

       I know nothing because the society I live in, more than at any other given time, is based on illusions- tv, cinema, the internet... How can I not be from a generation of eternal doubters? How can I not question what is imposed as truth when deep down I do not know how we got here? Every single thing we know is reliable as far as the source on which your knowledge is based is. 

How can you not question it? How can you just accept it? Do you believe everything your neighbour tells you? Do you take everything your friend- made of flesh and blood- says as the ultimate truth? Of course you don’t. Part of you wonders if what they tell you is the honest truth. Now put yourself in my shoes. All I know is from someone else’s mouth or words. I learn from a screen or from so many un-human mediums that I am bound to reject it until I can safely enough find out for myself. These days it is impossible. We’ve removed ourselves too much from basics. To seek truth one doesn’t need to complicate the settings. One could find as much sitting under a tree. 

We are being brainwashed the easiest way there ever was: by drowning us in constant waves of information and noise. We’re still humans at the end of the day, not computers. We can only truly process one piece of info at a time. They know that. You didn’t, but now you do. Start doubting for pit’s sake.

I have always known, somehow, by instinct, and that is why it is so hard for me to find the right words. I feel the truth but cannot explain it. It’s much akin to trying to express that moment of fleeting joy- how would you go about it? There is only so many words or adjectives one can use. All our languages are flawed- of course they are. they limit us. They reflect our self-imposed limitations.

Searching for your true self, the real you behind all pretence and social conditioning is like peeling away sore skin, and then layers of flesh until you hit the bone. And then it hurts, and everything goes dark in your mind- you become little more than a lost child in the midst of a storm and there is no one there to hold your hand anymore. 

Every time you laugh, every time you utter a word, is it really you? Have you even asked yourself, do you even know what I’m talking about? Go on, take a step in front of that mirror and only stare at the eyes. What do you see? What do you see, really? Can you be certain it is you? And if it is, are you sure it is the one that should be? Or are you simply staring at a broken version of who should have been?

Perfection does exist, it’s everything this world isn’t. It’s everything away from the easy way. I think I saw a glimpse inside of me but the truth is that perfection is too damn hard to sustain.