The blue skies that graced our island these past few days have had a strange effect on me... in fact, it seems to occur every year around the same time as winter begins its slow retreat and the first glimpses of spring emerge. And I know that strange feeling is going to worsen to reach a peak around April/May.

There is something about the soft, mild warmth of early spring, its clear sunshine and diluted blue skie , that just seems to transport me back in time whether I like it or not. Suddenly, as I glance up towards the bright horizon, I see myself as a teenager, sitting in the sun outside school with friends. I can almost smell the air of then. I can close my eyes and be there all over again. The contrast between what the mind's eye can still see and the reality of now can be overwhelming. It's like Time itself is slapping you in the face, in a way.

When I'm not caught up reminiscing my teenage years, I find myself remembering last year... How things can change in the space of a year - but I should know better, really, for I saw first hand how everything can change overnight. It's hard for me to believe now that around the same time last year I was spending almost all my free time with a guy who would end up disappearing out of my life as abruptly as he'd entered it. What a contrast it is between spending most of your sunny days in someone's arms and being completely alone a year later as the sunny days return.

I guess they call it 'nostalgia'.

My diary writing has trickled down to an almost non-existent state these days. It's not like the constant thinking and musing have stopped, it's just that the weight of disillusionment in general feels like a massive boulder that has fallen on them... crushing them to a pulp, forcing them in rather than out, like a blocked drain, or a river whose flow has been cut short by an avalanche of rocks disrupting its bed.

The source of that disillusionment can be found right here. Ever since I started this Blog, I've been growing more and more disillusioned, and I just can't dismiss the fact that my 'thoughts' have ended up attracting the wrong people over and over again. In fact, that Blog has brought me only trouble from the moment it went 'live'... And I know now that when I finally leave it behind, the only regret I'll be left with is of ever starting it in the first place because, truly, if I could go back in time to the moment when I naively thought of 'writing a blog' I would have slapped myself in the face and moved on from the idea.

I just can't get away from the fact that my own thoughts have only served to connect me to all the wrong people in the end. Why do people always have to interfere? The internet is even worse in that respect, because you often don't even know these strangers who end up tempering with your perceptions or influencing your thoughts.

I always liked getting comments now and then, but I now realise how much I hate that some people should have had the need to contact me - deluding themselves that we had anything in common whatsoever or anything to share in the slightest beyond the words I felt the need to express here.

I guess the joke is on me.