Letting go

Saying good bye to things we never thought would be so hard to leave... That process seems to occur every time our ego construct no longer wins over Reality, or when it suddenly ceases to be possible to cover Reality under a veil of self-deception, or illusions. It's the exact same process, it seems, as that of children who suddenly realise they'll never get to fly like Superman, and as their grasp of Reality sets in versus imagination, they accept that flying like Superman in fact pertained to the realm of dreams. Yet before that realisation or grasp of Reality set in, the idea of flying like Superman was just as real to them as the simple ability to walk and speak.

Once the Reality switch is 'on', there's no going back, and each of us drifts farther and farther away from that original base where, as children, anything was possible beyond any Reality-bound rule. We call that process 'growing up', but in a way it may be misleading in the sense that the process never stops, not even, or perhaps especially not as we start to grow older as adults.

Why am I writing this? Because I seem to have no more veils of illusions to hide under, and it feels just like being left naked in the cold. Exactly like that.

I know what I can and cannot do, I know that all that I wished or believed in as a small child was never real, I know that many things I took for granted will have to be lost, and I know that many things I would like to have, I can never have. In many ways, I am made to fully realise my place in the world, its limitations as much as the possibilities it offers.

I am made to face my role, the character that is I among billions of others - and not one character is allowed to play the exact same role as another. Isn't that one of the hardest lessons for a species which, as a whole, strives on imitation from the start? To accept that you cannot - ever- be the same as another, or have exactly what another have, etc even though we spend our existence evolving, being influenced and adapting based on mimicking these very others.

One of the most painful self-inflicted scars we inflict on ourselves is the senseless lack of realisation of what I've just described. On the one hand, we live immersed in a society that encourages sameness at least in terms of social circumstances; for instance, there would be the encouragement to strive for the best jobs, the highest status possible, the so-called pursuit of happiness under a certain model one ought to follow (owning a house, a car, getting married, having children etc). On the other hand, there is this non-existence of sameness. We strive to have the 'same' and yet it is impossible. Then we invent the concept of fairness to make ourselves feel better. The neighbour can have kids, but you can't - surely that must be a matter of unfairness, right? Why can she have children and I can't, etc, etc? Or how about all those who seem to have it all from birth, while you constantly struggle to make ends meet from the start, no matter how hard you try? Surely it must again be a matter of fairness, here.

Well, no. The concept of fairness is just an excuse born out of the inability to see that sameness is an illusion and that the only reason it is sought after by so many, whether they realise it or not, is based on thousands of years of re-enforcement.

So if there is no sameness in the detail, what does it leave us with? It leaves us with the most wonderful, yet scariest gift or ability of all - complete freedom to be anything we want.

But here's the irony: most of us will shun that complete freedom out of fear. Why? Because it might just feel easier and less scary to be told what to do and who to be rather than take true responsibility of our own self.