Thoughts on a Midnight Day

This morning I was woken up early by a bright ray of sunshine seeping through the window to caress my sleeping face. I propped myself up onto my elbows and glanced up at the pure, diluted blue skies, and felt the cool breeze wrap itself around me, waking me up fully at once.

Uncertainty... the basis of life? Perhaps it is, and it is why human ingenuity always strives so much to make things as certain as they can be.

Listening to the crows' rasped cries outside... it reminds me of how all the other birds never fail to stay at a distance from them and seeing that makes it too easy to assume that the bird is some sort of black angel of death that shouldn't be approached.

Alone they sit on the grass, oblivious to all the other birds keeping away from them. As they hop along, the others hop back further from them... I once sat on the grass for a very long time merely observing such a scene. That day was the first time I felt sorry for the crow. I wished to have been able to speak its language even for a moment.

"Why are you so sad, Mr Crow?"

"I am not sad, child. You only perceive me as such."

"It is because I see all the other birds avoiding you so much, which leads me to feel sad for you."

"And so it is that what you feel you reflect back on me. How flawed of you, dear."

"Flawed?"

"Yes, dear. Look at these birds standing away from me - what do you see?"

"I see... I see their fear. They stand uneasy at a distance from you as though in the presence of some dark, threatening omen."

"Yes. Most are afraid of me. Some know better than to bother me. My beak seeks mostly the fallen rotting flesh on the ground, but it is strong enough to break a sparrow's neck."

"But you are always so alone, Mr Crow..."

"Solitude is nothing more than refined taste, my dear."

"I don't understand what you mean..."

"Sure you do. You understand. I ask you what you see in the other birds, and you replied "fear". Why should my alienation from them make my solitude in any way bitter?"

"But surely at times you must wish for some to show less fear of you... for some to hop closer to you and see past the fear you evoke in them?..."

"It isn't so, my child. If it were, nature would have made of me a singing sparrow that charms the human heart so easily. Instead, it gave me the dark plummage of shadows and a rasped voice that sends shivers down your spine whenever it echoes in the air."

"That seems quite unfair and uncompromising."

"Fairness is a concept invented by unlucky people - you thought it yourself, did you not?"

"I guess I did... There is no such thing as fairness, is there? Only an intricate symphony of interconnections between all that there is; all that existed, exists and will come to be."

"So it should be that I stand alone while the sparrow charms the crowd. It comes fluttering by your window in the morning, its soft, endearing song filling your heart with quiet joy, until my shadow looms closer from the sky and my rasped call reminds you of how fleeting everything in life is. From joy your heart leaps to worry, fear, perhaps even sadness, but without the sparrow and I, you would have felt nothing."

This morning Voltaire came to mind and I wasn't sure why. The reason he came to mind was because I started dwelling on the meaning of illegitimacy in literature (out of wedlock or bastard children as protagonists) and that reminded me of what an old teacher in literature class had once said - that often in literature, a character who happened to be an illegitimate child was a symbol that the character would have to go through a long and difficult journey of self-discovery leading to greater fulfilment. I never forgot that side comment because it instantly made me identify to such characters.
The teacher had said that while we were analysing a text from Voltaire - and that’s from that vague memory that I felt the need to look it up… However I had no recollection of the book‘s title, but googling “Voltaire and illegitimacy” did the trick.

The novella’s title was Candide.

I was struck by the fact that I barely remembered ever having read it, yet as soon as I refreshed my memory on the main themes, it all came flooding back to me. The reason I had seemingly forgotten all about it might be down to the fact that I was 16 when we studied that novella in class, but perhaps it was also due to the very flawed way in which schools link learning so much with testing, so that in effect, we cram everything into our head not so much with a desire to understand for ourselves what it is we’re learning by heart, but to get the ‘best’ result on a piece of paper.

Anyway… Candide happens to be a strong critique of Leibniz’s Optimism theory, which basically concludes that we live in the best of possible worlds. More precisely, Leibniz's line of thought rests on the idea that our universe is the best possible one that could have been created by God (assumed as an infallible entity or being). In Candide, Voltaire makes a scathing attack of such theory or argument, literally tearing it to pieces with all the might of his renowned sarcastic streak. The protagonist (named Candide) starts off educated by an old man (Pangloss)who symbolises Leibniz's optimism, and the premice of the satire gives plenty of room to denounce the reasoning flaws in the theory through the words of the old man. The latter's mantra? "All is for the best" (because... this is the best of possible words we live in based on the assumption that God, who is all powerful and perfect, created it, therefore it must be the best of worlds created etc)... Voltaire attacks the reasoning and in effect ridicules it through Pangloss whose logic is shown as flawed in the way he would explain things to his pupil Candide. Like... mixing up cause and effect, among other things:


"It is demonstrable that things cannot be otherwise than as they are; for as all things have been created for some end, they must necessarily be created for the best end. Observe, for instance, the nose is formed for spectacles, therefore we wear spectacles", would say Pangloss.


What is also denounced is the far too easy way in which that optimism theory handles the realities of the world, such as suffering, pain, diseases, natural disasters. Instead of going in depth as to the possible meaning of such occurrences in the world, the theory conveniantly bundles them all up under the same 'roof' that allows for no further questioning - God. And that's the end of it, no need apparently to seek to understand beyond that.

As the story unfolds, Candide leaves the old man to discover the world and it is through his travels that he is faced with the realities of the world, which put the old man's optimism to the test every time.

As I refreshed my memory on the story itself, I had to check for myself what that optimism theory was all about, of course. So I looked up what Leibniz's works were all about. I discovered that beside that theory, Leibniz also happened to be part of the rationalist school of thought but what I really found interesting was his 'obsession' or belief that thoughts could somehow be translated or reduced to a form of calculation of some sort...

Another thing that happens to fascinate me, really, is how we come across things in life (reading, learning something at some point or even going through a certain experience) that may seem irrelevant or easy to dismiss at the time and yet years later these very things we came across briefly will come back to mind for no obvious reason known to the conscious side of the mind... but as it comes back to mind, suddenly you realise that it is only now that you can truly make sense of such things you read or learned all that while back. In a way, it feels like we spend our life collecting what appears to be random pieces of a jigsaw that we can't complete or make sense of because we have no idea how the pieces are supposed to fit together - but the mind (the awakened mind, that is -- that can think in depth for itself) is powerful enough to make them fit together seamlessly when the time is right in terms of a person's own growth in understanding and reasoning.

Eternity

In moments of quiet contemplation, I remember verses of another life. The very ones that awakened not just my senses, but thoughts from deep within, and emotions - raw and untamed, intense. A teacher of mine once said to me that reading Rimbaud could have that effect. He broke all the rules and made the Word his own. To me, he remains forever l'enfant terrible of French poetry in his search for sublimity through words and pure beauty.

"Elle est retrouvée.
Quoi ? - L'Éternité.
C'est la mer mêlée
Au soleil.

Mon âme éternelle,
Observe ton voeu
Malgré la nuit seule
Et le jour en feu.

Donc tu te dégages
Des humains suffrages
Des communs élans
Et voles selon...

- Jamais d'espérance
Pas d'orietur.
Science et patience,
Le supplice est sûr.

Plus de lendemain,
Braises de satin,
Votre ardeur
Est le devoir.

Elle est retrouvée !
- Quoi ? - L'Éternité.
C'est la mer mêlée
Au soleil."

By Arthur Rimbaud, Une Saison en Enfer (Alchemy of the Word)

It is recovered.
What? - Eternity.
In the whirling light
Of the sun in the sea.

O my eternal soul,
Hold fast to desire
In spite of the night
And the day on fire.

You must set yourself free
From the striving of Man
And the applause of the World
You must fly as you can...

- No hope forever
No orietur.
Science and patience,
The torment is sure.

The fire within you,
Soft silken embers,
Is our whole duty
But no one remembers.

It is recovered.
What? Eternity.
In the whirling light
Of the sun in the sea.

Translation, poem by Arthur Rimbaud, Une Saison en Enfer (Alchemy of the Word)

Temps Mort

It’s always hard to tell when or why it happens… It seems even harder to describe it, but a ‘temps-mort’ is what it is, really: when time seems to have stopped while at the same time it keeps rushing forth… but for you, your person, your own perception, it no longer does. To you, Time has died, somehow.

I can look around me all I want, nothing makes sense. I suppose the mind is a good illusionist… It can trick a person into creating their very own meaning on everything. Isn’t that what we all do every single day that we live? We create for ourselves meanings for all sorts of things because if we fail to do it, suddenly there is that giant void to be faced: the one that shows you there is in fact no meaning at all. Only the one our mind creates.

Immersed as we are in a subjective vision of the world and its endless possible ‘meanings’, it’s no wonder we never get on and clash all the time.
What would happen, what would change in the reality we are shaped to take for granted from the moment we are born, if we were to follow only absolute meaning?

But of course first we need to find out what exactly constitutes absolute meaning, and I guess that’s something thinkers have been busy doing since time immemorial… Searching past all the flawed visions based solely on our subjectivity, the very ones heralded by all societies. What are societies but a collection of the majority’s viewpoints? A majority decides on the right and the wrong, on directions, on what makes sense and what doesn’t, and that is exactly why history then shows us that what was believed yesterday could just as easily become obsolete tomorrow.

Is that really evolution? Isn’t evolving supposed to mean getting better in some way? Closer to some ultimate truth, perhaps? If all we can do is go back and forth between a majority’s viewpoint at a certain time and place, then where is the growth toward that ultimate truth?

Here I stand, on the verge of a world I never fully understood - because all I can really fathom is what makes sense, and the world just doesn’t make any sense. It is immersed in flawed and limited perceptions. I’m not talking about the detail, of course, but the whole. I’m therefore not talking about the exceptions to the rule (the few people who seek to apply true meaning to their existence) but the majority that imposes such flawed limits on us all.

In the Truman Show, the show’s architect says at some point that an individual simply embraces the reality that is presented to him. These few words hold a world of meaning, here. Truman simply accepted the reality he was born into, and how could he not do so? It was only when cracks began to show in the reality he was presented with, and which he took for granted from birth, that he began to question that reality. Had there been no clues or cracks in the smooth running of the man-made reality created just for him (the show), it is easy to venture he would have carried on living his little life oblivious to the deception till death.

Well then… I can see what happened to me, in a way. I was but a child when I began to notice the cracks in our own reality. I refused to take anything for granted, I questioned everything all the time and the lack of clear answers - worse, the sheer amount of constant contradictions - led me to classify our accepted version of reality as flawed and illusory.
That’s only the first step to True freedom, though… The next one is, and always will be, the hardest one to take. It is the one that requires escaping what is false to reach what is true. I guess that is why I have now reached a ‘temps-mort’, then.

There is no telling how long the latter will last, but while it goes on, I can assure you that my quest to true meaning, and absolute reality, will never cease to go on.

N O T H I N G

T H E
E N D

On the Notion of Balance

There is man, there is woman,

There is spring, there is winter,

There is light, there is darkness,

There is evil, and there is good.

Everything in this world seems to rest on a balance of perfect opposites. I would go so far as to venture that nothing can actually exist without its complete opposite existing as well.

So what does that tell us? I'll tell you what it shows us, shall I? It means that striving for one extreme or another in bound to end in defeat because for one extreme to exist, the exact opposite of it must necessarily exist to allow for both's existence. That's part of the Balance of everything that exists.

The problem was never about ridding the world of evil, or anything at all for that matter. All that occurs, all that can be seen or experienced, belongs to a spectrum or other made up of at least two core extremes.

As such, those who act 'badly' (corrupted, perverted, heartless, cruel, you name it) are but mere vectors that slide too close to one extremity of the Good-Bad spectrum - whose definition, by the way, depends mostly on an individual, a group, or a society's perspective at a certain time and place, so that what they deem good or bad today may well be different tomorrow.

The problem was always about the lack of striking a balance between all core extremes. Strike the perfect balance and harmony can develop. Slide too far off one extreme, and chaos is the norm.

I suppose the way nature works provides the best observing ground for this line of thoughts. By observing what we call the 'blind' justice of nature, we can note the fine balance that exists, involving just the right amount of every extreme. But I should really say 'the perfect amount of middleground between each extreme that exists'. Because nature is essencially perfectly wired to strike a perfect balance between opposites, it isn't too surprising to see how it managed to ensure a constant cycle of life like clockwork for so long.

Humans have been observing this clockwork orchestra displaying a mastery of the notion of perfect balance for thousands of years. Most of them are still stuck wasting their braincells on 'how to rid the world' of such things as poverty, hunger, pain, unfairness, war... whatever.

If you are one of those striving to get rid of whatever extreme that exists, or even whatever occurrence that seems so 'unfair' to you, then you have still much to reflect on. You are simply unable to see past your own subjectivity, and therefore failing to see truly in the greatest depth.


This whole existence is about striking a balance. Some choose to call it wrongly a compromise, but I see it as a choice to stand on that fine line that spawns a sense of equilibrium. Everything about this world, this reality, rests on a basis of opposites… Thriving toward one opposite is pointless. But what does the world (its people) keep doing? They keep running after one opposite to the next. They seek to attain ‘happiness’, ‘peace’, ‘freedom’, ‘justice’ etc… and they fail to take into account that to have such notions as happiness, peace, freedom and justice, the exact opposite needs to exist to an extend even to just be aware of what any of these notions are actually about.

So why don’t you keep running after one mere extreme… that way you will make sure to have blinded yourself from the bigger picture.

There can be NO sense of happiness, peace, freedom or justice without a taste of their opposites.

If one declares that they have never felt contentment or ‘happiness’, then they have not tasted enough of its opposite notion, for if they had, they would by now be able to appreciate a great part of the spectrum Pain-Contentment/Joy.

If one declares that they have never felt or witnessed a sense of justice, then they have not suffered enough injustice in their lives to be able to appreciate the spectrum Justice-Injustice.

If one declares that they have not yet experienced a sense of peace, then they have not lived through enough struggles, perhaps war (inner and/or outward) to be able to appreciate the spectrum Peace-Destruction.

If one doesn’t know or understand the true meaning of freedom, then they have never felt a prisoner in the first place and are therefore unable to distinguish the difference between freedom and slavery.

Don’t be put off by my clumsy choices of words… beyond their weakness lies the true beginning of deep understanding of everything this world is about.