I feel like… I feel like Neo when he was still trapped in
the Matrix, having to go to work in an office full of drones who always knew he
didn’t belong and he was the only one who seemed oblivious to it. The film may
not have shown it on screen, but I wonder if Neo as a character would have lied
in bed at night, eyes wide open to the ceiling in the dark as he pondered
endlessly why he never seemed to fit in anywhere he went. Yet while he spent
his time wondering what it was that made him feel like a leper among others,
all the others always saw that he simply never belonged and they, themselves,
kept him at a distance exactly because they could feel that difference and
could not understand why he was acting as though he did not see it for himself.
“Can’t you see what we see?” the people that form the matrix
would probably ask in defiant wonder. “You don’t belong here and yet here you
are always pretending that you do, but you can’t fool us. You can’t fool us,
though you may have managed to fool yourself.”
Perhaps after another long while spent staring at the
ceiling in the dark, asking himself pointless questions pertaining to his sense
of alienation within the context he so desperately tried to fit into, he
finally came to his senses by starting to look outside the box. By walking away
from all that is mainstream and obvious to focus on the in-betweens and all
that is overlooked.
In other words, instead of looking at the chair, bed, sofa
and desk in the room, he started looking at the space between all these obvious
objects we deem part of our reality, wondering: what if, in truth, reality was
what lay in the apparent void between all that can be seen?
But I am not Neo, and I'm falling apart.
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